Perspectives need changing.

I can't say that I live in the best part of San Diego.  The place where I'm at has remote controlled gates at all entrances, and we're a mishmash of condos and apartments, so there's a lot of people coming in and out of here, though for the most part, I've had almost entirely pleasant run-ins with my neighbors.  That wouldn't be a 100% success rate, and though it's close, that 1% of unsuccessful run-ins would almost entirely have to do with the time that I while I was walking out to my car and saw some fresh graffiti on a wall, which unsurprisingly matched the graffiti on my car.  I was able to get it off pretty quick, but still, that notion that someone was so willing to vandalize and/or damage my property stuck in my head for a while.

Last week as I was driving out of our parking lot, I noticed this lifted, fullsize Ford pickup that just happened to have four flat tires.  After thinking about it for a moment, I figured that there was really only one possible way that all four tires (large and durable as they were) could possibly go flat at once, and that's if someone else took it upon themselves to free the trapped air in those tires.  And seriously, how quick a job is that?  ...stab, stab, stab, stab... walk away.  And I thought, what if it happened to me?  I'd probably be pretty much out of my mind angry knowing that 1) someone felt free to do such a thing, and 2) now I have to pay for it.

Yesterday, I found out that my grandma's alzheimer's has finally gone from bad to worse, and that her doctors are recommending that she be moved to hospice for the final months of her life, which could be up to six, but they don't really know.  The news hit me hard, harder than I was expecting.  I've never really been moved by the notion of death, I'm sure in part because it's been so distant from me for so many years.  And just as I've been hoping to get reconnected with my grandma, since she IS the best Nykanen I know, thinking that she might not actually be around forever as so I just assumed keeps reopening the same hole inside that I let distraction and life keep recovering.

So last night, I drive into my parking lot and see that same not-so-lifted truck still sitting on pancake tires, and realize that if that happened to me now, it would be a trivial matter.  So what if my tires go flat?  So what if my computer might crash and I lose thousands of songs I've collected over the years?  So what if I lose my job?  I have family.  I have a girlfriend that loves me.  I have friends that love me too.  I know that I have people around me who are willing to invest their time, energy, and resources into me because they want to.  And I have the attention of Almighty God who allows me to mess up the gifts that He gives me only to bless me all the more when I come back see Him again.

I wish I didn't have to learn about trivial needs and reactions this way, but this fantastic 84 year old woman who is my grandma will have earned her rest once she gets to that point.  I love her, and sarcasm is never funnier than when she deals it out.

Oh, to give in to sleepingdom.

Sleep is such a weird thing sometimes.  It seems like for everyone else, once the drowsiness kicks in, they just can't wait to lay down, pass out, and run off into happy-dream-sleeply land.

I stay up because I feel like I'm gonna miss out on something.

Even though most all shoppable stores have closed, there's nothing worth watching on TV, and Fail Blog wont post anything new until tomorrow morning, I swear there's something that still needs to be done or seen.

But there's not.  And what can I do, really, when my legs stopped being productive two hours ago and my eyes feel like dried orange peels and are just about as useful (I saw old tangerine peels in my trash can and felt that an appropriate comparison ... no true poetry was harmed in the making of this story).

I'll go give it another try.  As for the rest of you ... good morning, since you have probably all ready had your good night's sleep.

Sheep or Shepherd

So there's David: young, handsome, blessed by God (1 Sam 16:12-13), and highly skilled AT (drumroll?) ...tending sheep. Of course, he performs and experiences incredible things in the future, but when you are initially introduced to him in First Samuel, he is a shepherd. Watches over sheep, fights wildlife for the sake of his woolly responsibility, but most of us wouldn't be very interested in this kind of life. We're all looking for that "Goliath moment" where we are not only proving our worth (even if it is usually only to ourselves), but we get a glimpse of what potential we have and what we may have really been born to do. This whole idea is better illustrated in "Looking for Goliath" by Jonathan Acuff at his site "Stuff Christians Like".

What stuck out to me when reading his entry was, like I mentioned, that David was a shepherd. Yes, he became a king eventually (2 Samuel 5:3), but he was a shepherd to start. Sometimes you have to exist in places, jobs, housing, etc. that seem to have you walking nowhere near where you thought you would be at this point in your life, but that may just mean that you have simple sheep to watch over for now until you are placed in charge of a country (figuratively or literally, who knows?). But my concern (for myself and others) is that if you find yourself surrounded by sheep, there are usually only two things you could possibly be: a shepherd ... or another sheep. And remember, shepherds have been known to become kings; sheep have been known to become sweaters.